Why is it that I continuously let the same person hurt me over and over again? Every time there is a glimmer of hope I end up getting shut down the next minute. It’s so frustrating because it’s all that consumes my thoughts. I never realized how jealous I could be, but every time I see or hear this guy mention another girl, I go silent with fury. I try my best to let it go. Whatever happens, happens, right? But I can’t hide how I really feel. I can only hide my emotions so well.
But why? Why am I always letting this guy hurt me? Why do I even allow him to waste my time? It’s amazing how his personality can change in the blink of an eye. One second he’s sweet. He’ll tell me how much he misses me, how we have to go out as soon as possible. He’ll tell me how pretty and how wonderful I am.
Then the next minute it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. I feel like a nuisance. He doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m just an annoying and naive little girl that he is suddenly too good for. It’s like I know him so well, but I don’t know him at all.
This is what hurts me. I just don’t get people.
People are so confusing. We’re constantly changing and I simply can’t keep up. Not only am I constantly struggling with a boy who consistently treats me like crap yet I can’t seem to get him out of my mind, I also am starting to realize that I am growing apart from my closest friends. People I thought I knew so well are starting to become strangers to me. What’s going to happen when I move away to college and school is no longer the only factor keeping us in touch? Even with school, the friendship is starting to feel so forced. It’s like I don’t even know these people anymore. I used to know every little detail, but now I know nothing. So much has changed and is still changing. Not knowing what others are thinking and feeling hurts me. I want to know if I’m wasting my time. If I could just get told bluntly how everyone around me feels about me, I could move on. But I guess I can’t expect others to be up front about their feelings when I, myself can’t.