Write Because You Need to Settle the Rage Within You

I wish I wasn’t so goddamn controlling. I HATE, HATE, HATE when things don’t go the way I want them to and this week, NOTHING has. And when things don’t go the way I want them to, I get grumpy and depressed. This really needs to stop. I should know by now to not let my happiness rely on others because not everyone comes through. I can’t make them behave how I want them to. I can’t make people do what I want them to and I can’t make people feel any certain way. I wish I could control everyone, but this isn’t a fantasy world (although I really wish it were) so what exactly can I do to stop being so unhappy when things don’t work out how I want them to? Let’s research.

Well it turns out that being controlling is something that goes along with anxiety, which in previous posts I discussed how I suffer from extreme anxiety. So just like for anxiety, yoga and meditation can help. I’ll admit, since school started I haven’t been doing yoga or meditating simply because I don’t have the time between school, college apps, and SATs. No wonder I’ve been losing my mind.

I’ve found a lot of tips that are easier said than done. For example “stop being such a perfectionist” or “stop having to be right all the time.” Easier said than done, Wikihow. I am who I am.

I will say, there is one thing that always helps me get over my current problems. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I’m going to mention it again. I ask myself mentally, how will this affect me in a year? 5 years? 10 years? If it won’t have any major affect, is it really worth stressing about? NO! Well.. sometimes.

Still, this doesn’t change the fact that at this very moment I am unhappy that things aren’t falling into place like I had imagined them to.  I’m constantly letting the same people screw me over. I should really learn to be more independent.

This post is pointless and no one probably really cares, but I just needed to vent my feelings. I feel a little better. Still pretty grumpy. But mostly, hungry.

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