Brain dump

First semester of sophomore year COMPLETE! I have to be honest- this semester was hard, which is why I think it’s time for me to do a little brain dump.

This semester was hard for many reasons. First off, losing my step-father this summer has really a toll on my mental health. It has definitely made me think about the purpose of life a little more. All of this philosophical thinking has definitely stirred up a lot of anxiety and unnecessary stress. I’d rather not think so much about the unknown, but I just can’t help it. Why do these things happen? What is the purpose?

For some reason, I’ve recently had this feeling of not belonging or not fitting in. Last year, life was great. I had a lot of friends, I was doing great in school, everything was fine. This year it feels like I lost a lot of my friends in general because over time, people change and you realize they are not who you thought they were. And that’s okay, I’d rather not be surrounded I can’t be 100% myself with, or friends I have to worry about talking about me behind my back. It’s hard to find real, genuine friends who are honest and who care about you. I don’t have many, but those I do have I appreciate. But sometimes at college I can’t help but feel a little bit lonely.

I haven’t been very social in general anyways because I’ve been so focused on my grades. I’m really hoping to graduate a year early and to get a job and an apartment with my mom and to just start my life. Things have been very stressful this semester, but I’m hoping in time everything works out. I hope my family moves past this incident, and that I find more genuine friends, and that I find success in my future so I can take care of my mom. But who knows what the future holds? Only time will tell.

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