This past month I haven’t been blogging very much and starting now, I am back! As all of you who read my blog know, I’ve been having a really hard year, but I’ve been having a really hard month especially.
About a month ago, my grandmother passed away and this was really difficult for me and my family. She passed almost exactly on the six month mark of my step-father’s death, and I honestly was not ready to go through something like this again. It was so unbelievably hard to have to walk into this church again and watch another funeral for someone I need in my life so desperately. This happened at a really bad time, but I guess, there isn’t really such a thing as a good time.
My grandmother was very close in my life. She helped raise me and she helped me grow into who I am. She lived with me until I was about seven or eight, and even after she moved out I would spend every weekend at her place playing cards and watching movies up until I was around ten or eleven. Then I got to middle school and instead of making me walk home, she was always the first car parked outside waiting to pick me up. She always arrived half an hour early and sat there waiting so I didn’t have to look all around the parking lot trying to find her. And then I got to high school and every afternoon I’d get home from school and she’d be sitting at the kitchen table for no apparent reason other than to make sure I got home from school okay. And it’s so funny because I thought at the time that this was absolutely ridiculous. I was like “I’m in high school, I’m grown, I don’t need to be watched like a child.” But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how lucky I am to have a grandmother who loved and cared about me so much.
It’s hard knowing I can call her phone all I want, but she will never pick up. All that remains are a few voicemails that I still listen to here and there. My grandmother was a strong woman, and she really fought through her sickness. Unfortunately, everyone’s life ends eventually and hers had to end here. I’m devastated and I don’t think I will ever stop missing her. The only comfort is that I know wherever she is now, she is okay. I’m assuming she’s somewhere in heaven watching a Real Housewives marathon with my grandfather and step-dad complaining in the background that they’d rather watch football or something. A part of her will always remain with me, and I’ll never be able to ignore the impact she’s had on my life. I’m forever lucky to have had a grandmother like her.
I’ll love and miss you forever.